2.17.2005

Mission Accomplished - NEXT??!!

Yes, children, it's time for the next episode of "The Doubleduh-Cheney Gang Eats Your Young." Having accomplished its mission in Iraq (producing total chaos), The Gang ramps up for its next superheroic foray, morph-disguised as shining Crusaders and used Edsel salesmen, against the evil Moorish horde in Syranistan . . .

Highlights . . .

  • Condi shows off her new stretch-fitted kevlar bustier

  • Rummy produces Powerpoint joint with nine satellite pix of bin Laden sunbathing nude on the roof of the Beirut Marriott

  • Mo Qaddafi plays air guitar behind Porter Goss as he screams, "We're all gonna fuckin die!!"

  • Wowie Howie rewrites Iowa pep speech: "And then we're going to Damascus!! And on to Tehran!! Then Baku!!! T'blisi!!!! Then on to Amsterdam . . . Chula Vista . . . Banff, for crissakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

  • Al Gonzales spends five days trying to add several new colors to the Security Threat Level scheme

  • congressional Democrats quit DC and create new professional hockey league based in Romania and Slovenia