2.16.2005

With Solutions Like This, Who Needs Problems?

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usWhen President Bush was in Omaha last week pimping his failed Social Security privatization scheme / national deficit godzilla, he exhibited that famed compassion that makes him such a favorite of the soft-hearted republican party:

"While talking with audience participants, the president met Mary Mornin, a woman in her late fifties who told the president she was a divorced mother of three, including a 'mentally challenged' son.

The President comforted Mornin on the security of social security stating that 'the promises made will be kept by the government.'

But without prompting Mornin began to elaborate on her life circumstances.

Begin transcript:

MS. MORNIN: That's good, because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.

THE PRESIDENT: You work three jobs?

MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.

THE PRESIDENT: Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)"

LOL! ROFLMAO! Woman in her late fifties [Cut future benefits] with three children [Cut Medicaid], one of whom is 'mentally challenged' [Cut Special Education], is working three jobs [Encourage outsourcing of high-paying manufacturing jobs] to make ends meet. Isn't that a stitch!

President Bush sees Ms. Mornin as an example of what's right with America. Bush's picture of success is what most of us see as a picture of what ails America.

Bush's solution to the future Social Security shortfall: Cut Benefits, Privatize a portion of the program, Put the federal deficit on steroids.

Bush's solution to terrorism: Create training grounds for future terrorists, Perpetrate wars tangential to the problem, Step up Nationalist Rhetoric, Allow torture, Extend troop deployments, Overextend the military, Ignore terrorist states like Saudi Arabia.

Bush's solution to the Health Care crisis: Prohibit the government from negotiating with drug companies, Cut Medicare and Medicaid, Focus like a laser beam on the smallest problem (tort reform).

Bush's solution to the Federal Budget Deficit: Spend more, Make Tax Cuts Permanent, Keep big expenditures off the books, Starve important social programs.

Bush's solution to the problems in Public Education: Cut funding, Increase Accountability, Demonize Unions.

Bush's solution to Global Warming: Deny it, empower polluters to pollute more, Increase dependence on coal, oil, and nuclear.

With solutions like these, who needs problems? Ms. Mornin ought to thank her lucky stars that those vile progressives aren't in power. They might actually create a national health care system that works, side with labor, work towards a greener society, and balance the budget.