9.22.2005

Exclusive!! Rita is Terrorist Agent! Duck 'n' Cover, Y'all!


"Hurricane Rita ties to Al Qaida alleged. Nukes considered"

[P! News Service; Sept. 22, 2004]

Top FEMA (Fucked-Up eMess Agency) and Homeland Insecurity officials today urged the Pentagon to deploy tactical nuclear weapons against Hurricane Rita, saying it was obvious that the monster storm, as well as its predecessor Katrina, were al Qaida-generated attacks against Gulf Coast oil resources. These unnamed officials also spoke of Katrina as a "Taliban/Shi'ite blow against the right of American women to expose their breasts and eat spicy pork and shrimp at the same meal."

One running dog capitalist sycophant toady proclaimed the threat to the Doubleduh-Cheney Gang's dacha in Crawford, Texas as "totally unacceptable . . . we can give up Galveston, we can lose Corpus Christi, maybe even sacrifice Houston. But Crawford? No fuckin way, podnuh."

Dept. of Energy sources claimed that utilizing nukes would pose no danger, denying that strong prevailing winds would carry massive fallout over the central and eastern Gulf Coast. "Even if that happened," he said, "there ain't nothin worth a shit left there anyway."
Not so far fetched. Here's an clip from Tom Raum's "Hurricanes Decrease Support for Iraq War" at Newsday today:
WASHINGTON -- Hurricane Katrina and its wrenching aftermath have turned public attention and already-dwindling support away from President Bush's Iraq policy. And that was before Hurricane Rita took aim at Texas.

The devastating storms are increasing pressure around the country and in Congress for an Iraq exit strategy and prompting calls for reining in spending on an increasingly unpopular war, one which could bedevil Republicans in the 2006 midterm congressional elections.

"It's a tangled picture" that will get even more complicated as those elections near, said Stephen Cimbala, a political scientist at Pennsylvania State University. "It's like Osama bin Laden's running the weather," he added, referring to the fugitive al-Qaida terror leader.

Bush's core of supporters for staying the course in Iraq appears to be shrinking, although war opponents are nowhere close to having enough votes in Congress to cut off or trim funds.

As many Americans brace for a winter of soaring home heating prices resulting in part from hurricane damage to oil and natural gas supplies, a rising number of Republican conservatives worry about the federal hurricane tab -- estimated at $200 billion or more when Katrina was the only factor.

"Look, everything's changed. We didn't anticipate a $200 billion expenditure of taxpayers' dollars a month ago, and so everything's changed," said Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., who wants the money to come from spending cuts instead of from U.S. troop withdrawals in Iraq.