1.26.2006

Chuckles


From FARK: "If you run a conservative blog with a comments section, and the media does an article that mentions your blog, you can be sure they're going to pick the one comment among 500 that's from the foulmouthed raving loony". Heh . . . here's a link to the original article at NRO.

Some predictions for '06 from The BEAST (er, well, at least from Andrew Gullerstein, who kinda looks like a beast):
The U. N. will officially report a state of genocide in Sudan’s Darfur region. The release of the report will be delayed several years over debates in comma placement.

In a desperate effort to stop us from destroying the world, Canada and the EU will cooperate in an “education relief” effort, dropping millions of easy-to-read pamphlets outlining the main points of our constitution and legal structure over America’s heartland. Nobody will read them . . .

The US Gulf coast will once again be battered with a series of powerful hurricanes; the experienced Michael Brown will spring into action, consulting FEMA on the proper wine complement for duck a l’orange . . .

The second coming of Christ will receive surprisingly meager publicity, due to a scheduling conflict with the season finale of “Desperate Housewives. ”To revive interest, Jehovah will write a sordid tell-all follow up to the bible, titled “On the Eighth Day I Invented three-ways. ” Kabbalah will see a decline in membership, as it is revealed to be just as, if not more retarded as every other faith . . .
Of course, remembering what's really important, The Onion has a prediction (of sorts)for Super Bowl Extra Large:
Report: Colts Poised For Biggest Upset In Super Bowl History

DETROIT—Coaches, front-office executives, and players around the NFL all agree that an Indianapolis victory in Detroit next Sunday would result in the greatest underdog story in Super Bowl history, if not in all of sports. "After losing to Pittsburgh in the second round of the playoffs, for the Colts to come into Detroit and beat them—as well as the Panthers, their nominal opponent—that would almost certainly be the comeback of the century," said Bills general manager Marv Levy. "No one would ever dare say that Manning or Dungy couldn't win the big one after that. Yes, it's a long shot—the longest—but with the Steelers and Carolina concentrating on beating each other, Indy is perfectly poised to come from literally out of nowhere to complete their all-time greatest triumph." At press time, no member of the Colts would comment on the possibility of a Super Bowl victory, further fueling speculation of a colossal upset in the making.
Maybe not so fucking funny is this quote from Deputy White House Liar Trent Duffy defending The Doubleduh-Cheney Gang's refusal to cough up obviously incriminalatin' Katrina papers: "The White House and the administration are cooperating with both the House and Senate. But we have also maintained the president's ability to get advice and have conversations with his top advisers that remain confidential."